That crazy-bonkers US election
Space Cadet, 15/11/2000
"BELGRADE--Serbian president Vojislav Kostunica deployed more
than 30,000 peacekeeping troops to the U.S. Monday, pledging full
support to the troubled North American nation as it struggles to
establish democracy." (from TheOnion.com)
The United States went to the polls to decide between George W.
Bush and Al Gore and didn't elect either of them. As David
Letterman observed, if only they could leave it that way. This
week, I've taken a look at some of the on-line commentary.
Was an election appropriate? Here's a selection from The Top 15 Better Methods of Choosing a New
President:
- Double-Elimination Whack-A-Mole Tournament
- "Hottest Daughter" contest
- The candidates stand apart and call to the current president's
dog. Whoever the dog comes to wins.
- "No, Governor Bush. Scissors do NOT cut rock."
And following the initial debacle, here's a selection from
The Top Things Overheard at the Florida Election
Commission:
- "The first vote goes to Gore...call CNN and tell them Gore
won."
- "Wait, if my wet laundry is in the ballot box...oh my god! Stop
the dryer!"
- "Let's be extra careful, because every single vote counts...ha,
ha, ha, ha, just kidding!"
- "120... 121... 122! Yes! I'm the ballot-eating champion!"
Here's "Election poem" by Rachel of Wondergirl.org. I
don't understand it at all:
vote early and vote often and vote gore and vote right and save
the universe.
its 3:32 and i am on the side of the road, red and blue lights
dance across my dash board.
its 3:32 and i am home in bed.
its 3:32 and rachel is in naomi's ovary, waiting patiently to be
born.
it is 10:02 on november 7, 2000 and the votes are all tallied
up.
it is the donkey donkey.
the donkey donkey.
There are countless sites devoted to the election. Here's a few
you might want to check out:
I was sent a list of quotes attributed to Dubya. I think they
were the same quotes attributed to Dan Quale a few years ago. They
include gems like "For NASA, space is still a high priority," and
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." I'm not sure
that Dan really said these either – although I wouldn't dispute
that both men are idiots. Instead, here are a few "confirmed"
Bushisms:
- "They misunderestimated me." — Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6,
2000
- "It's your money. You paid for it." — LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18,
2000
- "I will have a foreign-handed foreign policy."—Redwood, Calif.,
Sept. 27, 2000
- "One of the common denominators I have found is that
expectations rise above that which is expected." — Los Angeles,
Sept. 27, 2000
- "It is clear our nation is reliant upon big foreign oil. More
and more of our imports come from overseas." — Beaverton, Ore.,
Sep. 25, 2000
- "I don't know whether I'm going to win or not. I think I am. I
do know I'm ready for the job. And, if not, that's just the way it
goes." — Des Moines, Iowa, Aug. 21, 2000
- ''This campaign not only hears the voices of the entrepreneurs
and the farmers and the entrepreneurs, we hear the voices of those
struggling to get ahead." — Des Moines, Iowa, Aug. 21, 2000
- "This case has had full analyzation and has been looked at a
lot. I understand the emotionality of death penalty cases." -
Seattle Post-Intelligencer, June 23, 2000
- "It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it." -
Reuters, May 5, 2000
- "I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close
to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to
California." —In Los Angeles as quoted by the Los Angeles Times,
April 8, 2000
- "I understand small business growth. I was one." —New York
Daily News, Feb. 19, 2000
- "The senator has got to understand if he's going to have—he
can't have it both ways. He can't take the high horse and then
claim the low road." — To reporters in Florence, S.C., Feb. 17,
2000
- "We ought to make the pie higher." — South Carolina Republican
Debate, Feb. 15, 2000
- "Will the highways on the Internet become more few?" — Concord,
N.H., Jan. 29, 2000
- "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." —
Greater Nashua, N.H., Chamber of Commerce, Jan. 27, 2000
- "We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor just
like you like to be liked yourself." — Greater Nashua, N.H.,
Chamber of Commerce, Jan. 27, 2000
- "Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?" —
Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000
(Get your ballot paper T-shirt at Taterbrains.com)
E-mail me some stuff to space.cadet@out-law.com
This column is written by The Space Cadet. The comments and
views are his and his alone. They do not represent the views of the
OUT-LAW.COM team.
