K9 Top Coats
Space Cadet, 13/07/2000
"My Cavalier loves his Top Coat and it keeps his feathering
wonderfully clean."
A satisfied K9 Top Coat customer, Portland,
Oregon
My family used to have a dog called Suilven. She was a big,
fluffy Golden Retriever. Children, grannies and burglars alike
could appreciate Suilven's good-natured temperament. She would run
around outside, rolling in the grass, the snow and the mud. Then
Suilven would come inside and shed about a kilo of dog hair on the
carpet, together with the grass, snow, mud and anything else she'd
picked up.
Suilven had a collar with her name on a little dog tag. She also
had a favourite blanket in her sleeping basket. She was a dog of
simple tastes, without clothes, mirror or wardrobe. Suilven was a
pooch of the 80s and in the 80s, Suilven and her doggy pals were
not into designer clothing.
Dogs of the 21st century are different. Check out www.k9topcoat.com for evidence. K9
Top Coats are designer lycra suits for your pooch, not unlike cat
suits (no pun intended). The bright, figure hugging lycra covers
them from neck to tail, top to paws. Think Jane Fonda meets Lassie.
The point of the Top Coat, which you can order on-line, is to
reduce "the amount of dog hair and dander left on your carpet,
furniture, bedding and clothes" (I don't know what dander is – I'm
guessing it's fluffy stuff). The Top Coat also keeps fur from
matting due to snow or mud. These sound like reasons that would
have persuaded my mother to buy a Top Coat for Suilven. Except that
the image of Suilven as a four-legged, rabbit-chasing Jane Fonda
(with tail) slightly alarms me.
Top Coats come in a choice of colours – elegant Royal
Blue, dashing Red, mysterious Black, cheerful Turquoise, revolting
Tartan. Measure your dog's back, girth and front leg, then order
on-line. From $57.50 for a size 1 (small) to $74.50 for a size 12
(XL). Please note that leg modification is required for Basset
Hounds.
Be strategic when choosing the colour. Corgis will want Royal
Blue, obviously. Black will look best on the tough-guy guard dog or
perhaps the fuller-figured dog. And the Tartan Top Coat (a
vile combination of pale yellow, pink and light blue) will serve as
a good deterrent if your dog is on heat – although neutering seems
more humane.
The site claims the Top Coat "allows your dog the freedom to be
a dog". But I'm a little concerned about what it will do for your
dog's confidence. I think Suilven would have developed a Jane Fonda
complex. Her lycra might not have been as tight or as snazzy as
Bess's (the dog next door). What if Suilven was a size 10 and Bess
was a size 6? What if Suilven just didn't have the figure for
lycra? The peer pressure would be awful. There was little vanity
when dogs wore nothing but a collar, as in Suilven's heyday. I
might be more amenable to Top Coats if they also came in
baggy-denim or urban combats.
I discussed Top Coats with James, a dog lover. He was concerned
that the dogs could not shed their hair. James said: "The purpose
of dogs is to moult. That's what they do. Especially on cream
or other light coloured carpets." And I think James might be right.
What concerns me even more is how some owners force their dog to
stay in its Top Coat. Read this testimonial -
"We can leave Shelby alone with Winston now without having
to worry about either of them pulling out her staples. Thank-you
for developing the K9 Top Coat."
Shelby's owner, Rosamond, California
Shelby! Run away!
